My emotions are all over the place and I have no one to talk to. My novel about being diagnosed with pre-diabetes.

I was originally told I was pre-diabetic 18 months ago. The doctor dropped it in my lap and gave me no advice other than to say, "Lose weight." Every six months since then my a1hc has been going up until now I am right on the verge of diabetes. I have lost more than 20 pounds, cut out sweetened beverages, and gone from being a shut in to taking a job and walking at least 5000 steps a day. Still though the number rises.

The last result came about a week ago and my emotions are all over the place. One day I'm feeling great and healthy as I eat a salad for lunch and measure my whole grain cereal for dinner. (I get home very late and thought the heavy meal right before bed might be a factor.) The next day (like today) I'm still fasting at noon and crying because I can't have a coke on my way home from a medical test like I used to as a treat.

I've gotten tons of books from the library and am making my way through them which helps. Also reading stories here helps too. I do plan to have a treat/cheat day but still no soda or heavy carbs.

I think the worst of it is that my spouse told our 16 year old that "people who get diabetes do it to themselves because they just don't try hard enough." This is because he got the same diagnosis around the same time I did but cutting out sweets lowered his back to normal. He's never even liked sweets and only got into the habit of eating them because I enjoy baking. Meanwhile I had gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy, my sister has diabetes, and yes I'm still very overweight but working on it. The only time I wasn't overweight since being 14 was when I had anorexia in high school and keeping a food log makes me very anxious and tends to make me go too hardcore.

I feel like everyone is judging me for this diagnosis and if I can't fix it then I am a real loser. With the news that the GOP wants to gut healthcare for diabetics I feel my suspicions are true and healthy people really do hate me. I'm even scared to post here because I know how Reddit in general feels about fat people, but I don't know what else to do.