It doesn't matter what I do, I could be the next Elon Musk (which is so laughably improbable) but I'd be living a half life. I could have all the money in the world and while treatment would be a little easier with all that money, the fact is that I'd still have T1.
T1 has me fucked up. I can't even really afford to live. I'm in a limbo between insurances right now and I can't get a straight answer if I qualify for medicaid or not.
When I go high, I feel angrier, I feel so dumb when I test and I see I'm at 300+. When I go low I feel so foggy headed and dumb. It wakes me up in my sleep when I go low. Getting out of bed is a lot harder when I'm super high, I can easily sleep for 10-12 hours, especially when my sugars are through the roof.
Dating is so extremely hard. I already had a tough time dating before my diagnosis, and now that I have this fucked up disease I feel like a sick human being. I don't even know when to bring it up in a conversation. I haven't gotten past a first date since I was diagnosed. Not necessarily that the girl didn't want me because of T1, but I guess I'm extremely down and sad all the time now. And who wants a depressed sick boyfriend.
The more I think about it the angrier I get. A vast majority of the 7 billion humans on this planet have a functioning pancreas, a pancreas that they take for granted, a pancreas that just works and they never have to think about carbs or dosing or if they have enough insulin stocked up. It's so dumb that just by chance my immune system decided it would be fun to try and kill me.
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