Stress eating, addictive personality, and severe lack of self control??

So I was diagnosed when I was around 8. Ate candy like crazy, gobbled up my weight in carbs, and drank soda and juice like water. My entire family has diabetes, and are heavy drinkers, eat mom's home made tortillas weekly and dont medicate.

I won't sit here and blame them for my horrible life choices, but I definitely learned this sort of behavior from them. It's just, with me? This behavior is thousands times more harmful because I use food and alcohol as coping mechanisms.

I am now 30, live states away from my toxic family, and yet, am still being an idiot.

I am sitting here, without vision in my left eye, and contemplating grabbing one or my husband's beers from the fridge. What the hell is wrong with me.

I really am trying to improve. My endo threatened to discharge me from the practice and I am now checking my sugar 6 times a day, logging everything down, and gritting my teeth with a diet. But its hell.

It's as if 20+ years if being told I'm killing myself isnt getting through. I'm not suicidal, I'm just. An idiot.