I want to get better

I’ve been T1 diabetic for 10 years, and I’m F20. I’ve never been good with it, I have a lot of mental health issues around self destruction from trauma which I won’t go into, and have been hospitalised with DKA three times in the last three years.

I want to get better, get more involved and feel interested in it for once. I want to get healthy again. I’m a bit afraid I’m diabulimic too, I have huge hypofear when it comes to my bloods being lower than about 15, but they’re always running much higher than that.

I’m also an illustrator doing a lot of work and balancing that with all the other life stuff means I never really focus on my bloods - and because I’m a student I can’t realistically afford dexcom since I moved out, which when I had it for 3/4 months was a blessing and drastically helped my mental health.

I miss feeling healthy, I miss feeling well, those few weeks after my hospital visits getting out ICU and feeling normal, not tense, my eyesight returning, it was awesome. I think since moving out this year I’m tipping on the edge of being hospitalised again which is terrible while Coronavirus is about. I’ve also found someone I really care about in my life, and after being in an abusive relationship for 2 years I realised that I don’t actually want to die at an early age, and if I keep going all of this effort I’ve put into getting out of that relationship and my illustration career is worthless.

So I guess what I’m saying is, are there any tips anyone has to get better? Is there anything you could recommend, like apps or support groups, techniques that help you stay mentally focused, I’d love to hear it.