Hey guys! So in high school I got really fed up with Diabetes. I got so depressed almost to the point where I did not want to live anymore.
Second year of college, I went into DKA for the first time. It was awful. At that point I was fed up and did not want to deal with diabetes anymore.
I remember crying at Endo appointments. My doctor would get frustrated and angry with me. I used to be like “I’m trying my hardest I am just not getting the results I wish”. I remember getting angry at the Endos and feeling like they don’t have to live with Diabetes and don’t know how bad it is.
I remember one time arguing with my mom about how you should only be a diabetes doctor if you have Diabetes. I remember arguing with my family about how I know more about Diabetes than the doctors managing me.
2 weeks after I went into DKA in college, I remember my roommate telling me it had to do with my diet. I remember her telling me I ate too much in the dining hall, I stay up too late and don’t care about my diabetes. I went into DKA because my canula was bent under my skin and I was not getting any insulin from my pump. I remember how hurt I felt.
I remember my other best friend telling me I had awful Diabetes control and that her dad was a doctor and if you get a CGM it means you can’t control your diabetes. I was so pissed. My A1C was a 7.1. I got a CGM for a more convenient lifestyle.
I remember taking tests in high school with high blood sugar and not performing as well as I could have. My friends would laugh and think I was dumb but it was the diabetes. My blood sugar was high, my head hurt so bad and I couldn’t focus. I used to get angry and think I could have gotten better grades and into a better college if I did not have Diabetes.
I remember going low not once, but 3 times before my license test and then failing because I over corrected and went high. He told me to turn left and I went right. I felt so dumb.
I also have anxiety. Everytime I get anxious my blood sugar goes through the roof. I can’t help it.
I don’t know what I’m ranting about. It’s just that, you really don’t know how life with Diabetes is unless you have to deal with it day to day. You can try so hard, and still have awful blood sugars. Not only mentally draining but physically. Your loved ones do suffer but not at much as you.
Do you ever think Diabetes is worse than it is but we are just used to it?
Also, do you think we were chosen to have this disease for a reason? Like why us? Why couldn’t it have been that bitch from 9th grade?
Will we get rewarded in life in other ways for dealing with this?
Not sure just daily thoughts I have about the disease haha
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